9/10

does a love gone wrong really deserve a second chance? even if giving it a second chance means breaking new rules? nowadays, everytime i think about my own love gone wrong situation, i just laugh about it. i even feel disgusted by it. but what if i was asked for a second chance? i mean a third chance? haha, i almost forgot. would i give in? even if it’s forbidden already? kinda sounded like i was the girl in the movie. haha.

oh well… i don’t know, that’s all i can say. screw it if it happens. i am pretty sure though, that second chance won’t happen anymore. we have our own lives now. we live in separate countries, and we don’t contact each other anymore. it could also be mutual that we don’t wanna see each other anymore. and for me, that will be a yes. i don’t wanna see that person, ever again.

i have a new love now. (LOL) and it’s complicated. i’m just intoxicating myself from this love that cannot hurt either party. well, i must admit, it can hurt me (so ironic), but it won’t be devastating. and it can end anytime. all i have to say is its over. by that time, it truly is over.

this is mr P. he is a thai guy with big keys attached to his penis. LOL

i really wanna shoutout this current status of mine to facebook, but i can’t. unfortunately, it seems that i have been lying to everyone my entire life. my first thought was “i don’t know why am i doing this” but who am i kidding, right? obviously, i know why. i just don’t wanna tell. i just don’t know how am i gonna spare myself from all my relationships that might be ruined if in case i did tell the truth. i don’t know if people are gonna accept me.

i have told some people about these stuff but i also made sure that these people won’t be able to hurt me at the end of the day. so what i trying to say is that i tell the truth to strangers. not to those people i value the most. there has been times that i had the opportunity to tell everything but each and every single one of those opportunity i flunked. and now, i don’t know if when the next chance will be.

its just so frustrating.

it was a paradise, now i just want to go home. i was caught off guard and it really was the first time i experienced that kind of chaos. now i’m disgusted and pissed off. and again, i just want to go home. insiguida!.

i’m not gonna divulge everything here cuz first of all, i am not proud of it. and it’s just too personal of a matter that i don’t think i can even think of writing it here. but to tell you what really happened, we were tricked and extorted.

thai people are nice and hospitable, but some can just be downright nasty. i’m not generalizing, i’m just saying what  actually experienced here. and for a country whose economy mostly rely on tourism… ehem ehem… that’s not a good sign. definitely, other tourists wouldn’t want to experience this…

i hope its not. i don’t wanna be superstitious about things that happen in life but certainly, i felt that this thing (whatever what i’m doing is) is not quite going wherever it should go. i’m am now crossing the line i think. and this was i think the exact same reason why my previous relationships didn’t work, because whenever i feel comfy, i cross the lines.

anyway, it hasn’t happened in reality yet but someday if given the chance, it might just happen and i might just cross the line again. anyway, here’s what happened:

miriam and i were in a subway, conversing about anything under the sun. i was not quite sure where were we going at that moment but i didn’t bother. i was just enjoying every moment about our conversation. what we were conversing about, i don’t remember anymore. so lets just pretend we were conversing about school.

so as the conversation goes on, MP (who is my crush, the person i love –LOL-) entered the scene and kissed miriam in the forehead. (weird). i was not bothered by it since MP usually kisses miriam in the cheeks. (not in the forehead). i don’t know why it is in the forehead this time. but there is something that really bothered me: MP ignored me, and didn’t even looked at me. – i was shocked- . and then MP chose to sit on the other end of the subway.  i didn’t know what  i had done. did i crossed the line again? i don’t know. i pretended to ignore MP too and pretended that i didn’t care. but deep inside, i was hurt. my heart was pounding so hard during the continuation of my conversation with miriam. that moment, was all i can think of. i wanna go over MP’s side and ask what’s going on but i thought twice. i let it go.

and then, my dad’s alarm rang and it was all over.

then again, it was just a dream. but i’m afraid it would definitely happen again if i let my feeling control me. so i have to stop. i have to stop now. T.T

it went almost perfect…NOT!! lol … but i had lots of fun… more fun compared to what i had during my vietnam escapade last june. well, it is more because of me being such an asshole to my parents while in vietnam that cost me the lack of enjoyment. and now, i realize that that ruined moment might be my only moment in to vietman, and i blew it already.

so i’ve been taking all the chances that i can get. and in just the first few hours of being here, i already enjoyed it a lot. (as what i have said, it went almost perfect) and these were the things that happened which i actually liked:

1. the airport was actually unpainted… but it really looked good. t’was cool! ^^,
2. my parents and i went to the grand palace! :) it was really cool!! too bad i still can’t upload the pictures…
3. while in the grand palace, my parents made me wear this ridiculously ugly pants that made me looked really funny… but i was such a good sport, and i rocked it like a pro! haha
4. The temple of the emerald was too good to be true! lol. (if you know what i mean) too bad i am not allowed to take photos of it! hmph

but it never was, that’s the drawback. you can never make something perfect, since, nothing really is. well:

1. i got stuck in the immigration for quite a while because i forgot the name of our HOTEL! … damn it.
2. the luggage cam up late. it took almost thirty minutes just to get the first bag in the collection area, by far, the slowest transfer of luggage i’ve ever experienced in my whole traveling life.
3. the hotel was AWFUL! … its actually just the second worst hotel i’ve ever been (the worst is the one in singapore)
4. the woman in the jewelry shop was rude to my mom, and that really pissed her off.

 

sorry for such a pictureless boring post. i just had fun, that’s why i had to blog this..:)